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i want to be a missionary and go to seminary, but i cant even talk to my own family about Jesus. |
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Written by Jay Gamelin
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Monday, 08 March 2010 |
Last year my aunt decided she wanted to stop all forms of cancer treatment. She had had cancer for a very long time, and now I knew that this would be the end of it. At the time I didn't know if she was a Christian, or agnostic, or atheist or what. But from what my mom told me she was probably agnostic. I asked my youth director what i should do, and he told me to just call her and tell her about Jesus. So i called her and i told her about what i had been doing in school, and stuff like that. She told me she didnt feel well and told me she loved me and hung up. She died the next week. I never told her. i was scared she would think that i was just telling her because i thought that she was dying, or she would be mad at me. And the thing is, is that i want to be a missionary and go to seminary, but i cant even talk to my own family about Jesus. i feel so guilty and selfish for not telling her. and i feel so wrong for the job i feel God is calling me to.
jay says... the goal of evangelism and mission is not to tell people about Jesus. The goal is to love them. When you love someone you cannot help it. I know this is why you wanted to share with her. But sharing is what follows love. Sharing Christ is the penultimate, not the ultimate. You loved her and this is the most important thing. Jesus says whatever we bind on earth, we bind in heaven. Whatever we loose on earth, we loose in heaven. Perhaps your prayers for her, your caring for her, your faith on her behalf can save her! Pray for her now, pray that God would lvoe and forgive her just as God loved and forgave you. I think this may change things! I think there can be hope in this.
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